Across the pond, the title of a
play based on Victor Hugo's novel is being changed from "The Hunchback of
Notre Dame" to "The Bellringer of Notre Dame."
Actually, the original French title of Hugo's novel is Notre Dame de Paris. But the title of the English translation is extremely well-established and familiar.
"I think people can make
something of the word 'hunchback,' and have done. So changing it was very
thoughtful [sic]," says
Libby Biberian of the Scoliosis Association. "Anything which eliminates
remarks which could cause offence is to be welcomed."
Producer Elli Mackenzie of Oddsocks
Productions says the title-tweaking is justified because the word
"hunchback" might offend people who suffer from scoliosis or spina
bifida.
Thus the Mackenzie moral-linguistic
theory and the Biberian moral-linguistic theory are not identical. Mackenzie seems
to suggest that the word "hunchback" is offensive in itself, whereas
Biberian seems to suggest that the word paves
the way for offense by providing fodder for certain kinds of verbal abuse. On
the Biberian theory, by eliminating the word you will eliminate the unkind cuts
that the word enables.
But the Mackenzie theory becomes more
Biberianesque in approach when Mackenzie stresses the importance of not
"reinforc[ing] any stereotypes about Quasimodo's
disability"--i.e., the "stereotype" that Quasimodo is hunchbacked! But Quasimodo is hunchbacked. It ain't a stereotype,
it's a fact of Hugo's fictional reality.
Following this ethically deformed, politically correct
sensibility to its logical conclusion, Mackenzie would also have to "correct"
Hugo's whole damn story, either dropping Quasimodo altogether or else making sure he
gets the girl and can perform every kind of physical heroics despite his warped
spine. Otherwise, you have that stereotype again about how crippled people are crippled.
It seems that when unpleasant realities
cannot be eliminated, the next best thing is to eliminate all observation and
reporting of them, all naming of them. Otherwise people might say not-nice
things, just to be mean. But unpleasant remarks are precipitated only in part
by unpleasant realities and descriptive labels. The sort of people who go around abusing hunchbacks won't
shut up merely because they have been deprived of certain words. Nasty people
will be nasty even if we eliminate all
words, rendering thought and distinction impossible.
Of course, what really motivates do-gooders
like Mackenzie and Biberian is not the phony concern about offending people.
After all, what about Hugo fans who might
be offended by the trashing of the familiar title--a group of readers that does
not necessarily exclude non-illiterate hunchbacks?
No, this is about condescending
noblesse oblige. It's about making yourself feel less
guilty about being white or male or rich or straight-backed, or about making
other people feel more guilty about having those attributes. It's about
appeasing the same Sensitivocracy that the producers of
the New York State Regents Exam, English part, were eager to appease when they altered
sundry literary passages to abolish all allusion to religion, race, and other social
features that "might offend" a test-taker.
In line with the new ethos we'll eventually
have to change the titles of all other classics when the words in the title might
directly or indirectly offend by virtue of being too ominous, weighty, or preferential.
(After which we'll have to rectify the texts themselves.)
So, in the spirit of mutual cooperation that rises above the antagonisms of
moral-philosophical faction, here are a few modest proposals for revision:
Prometheus
Bound, by Aeschylus > Prometheus
Loosely Draped, by Aeschylus
Seven
Against Thebes, by Aeschylus > Seven Neutral Toward Thebes, by
Aeschylus
Cyclops,
by Euripedes > Eye-Challenged,
by Euripedes
History
of the Peloponnesian War, by Thucydides > History of the Peloponnesian Negotiating Sessions,
by Thucydides
Hippocratic
Oath, by Hippocrates > Hippocratic Firm Assurance, by Hippocrates
Exhortation
to Study the Arts, by Galen > Personal
Request to Study the Arts, No Rush, by Galen
The
City of God,
by St. Augustine > Urban Aggregate of Significant Other, by
St. Augustine
Romeo
and Juliet, by Shakespeare > Lover
One and Lover Two, Whether Straight
or Gay, Young or Old, Doesn't Matter,
by Shakespeare
The
Taming of the Shrew, by Shakespeare > Spousal Conflict Resolution, by Shakespeare
The
Rape of Lucrece, by Shakespeare > The Bellringing of
Lucrece, by Shakespeare
Paradise Lost,
by John Milton > Nice Place Misplaced,
by John Milton
Wealth
of Nations, by Adam Smith > Global
Social Distribution, by Adam Smith
The
Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, by Edward
Gibbon > Slight Detour for the Roman Empire, by Edward
Gibbon
Liberty Tree, by Thomas Paine > Social Justice Tree, by Thomas Paine
The
Declaration of Independence,
by Thomas Jefferson > The Acknowledgement of Interdependence, by
Thomas Jefferson
Pride
and Prejudice, by Jane Austen > Like Yourself and Others Too, by Jane Austen
On
Liberty,
by John Stuart Mill > On Social
Justice, by John Stuart Mill
The
Subjection of Women, by John Stuart Mill > Gender Conflict Resolution, by John Stuart Mill
A
Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens > A Happy-Holiday Tune, by Charles Dickens
Bleak
House, by Charles Dickens > Just-Needs-Quick-Paint-Job
House, by Charles Dickens
Hard
Times, by Charles Dickens > Fair-to-Middling
Times, by Charles Dickens
Civil
Disobedience, by Henry David Thoreau > Social Conflict Resolution, by Henry David Thoreau
Capital,
by Karl Marx > Boondock, by Karl
Marx
Moby Dick, by Herman Melville > Moby Genital, by Herman Melville
Crime
and Punishment, by Fyodor Dostoevsky
> Misdeed and Rehabilitation, by Fyodor Dostoevsky
War
and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy > Social
Conflict Resolution and Social Conflict Resolution, by Leo Tolstoy
Les Miserables,
by Victor Hugo > Les Not Bad--and You?
by Victor Hugo
Pudd'nhead Wilson,
by Mark Twain > Norm'lhead Wilson, by Mark
Twain
Beyond
Good and Evil, by Friedrich Nietzsche > Beyond Misdeed and Rehabilitation, by Friedrich Nietzshe
The Antichrist, by Friedrich Nietzsche
> Bill Clinton, by Friedrich
Nietzsche.
--David M. Brown, 6/29/02
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